I can't imagine my boys not earning their Eagles or my daughters not earning their Personal Progress. I would like my boys to earn their Duty to God, although I'm not as worried about that.
I don't think it's appropriate to hold something like a child's driver license over earning such an award.
I like the idea of teaching our children correct principles, modeling those principles in our own lives, and then giving them enough rope to either be productive or hang themselves. Not literally. Obviously at some point you step in and take drastic steps to avoid major life changing issues.
Children who are rebellious, lazy, doing poorly in school (I'm thinking really poorly, not just like B average poorly, but to the extent where they are being irresponsible), bad drivers, or otherwise not deserving of a driver license should not receive their driver license. That's probably not the real list but rather one I just made up right now and am not going to think much about. The point is that each child is different, so when it becomes time that it is an issue, you work it out with each child individually.
I can see daughter #2 coming straight out and telling us she doesn't even want to drive even if deep down she is desperate to. If there is something she is worked up about related to some award she doesn't want to be pressured to get, everything else in the entire world, good or bad, can be stacked up on every side, and she will retain her laser focus on not wanting to earn the stupid award. She will even be convinced herself that she doesn't want to drive. Until she wants to, at which point she will forget that she just told us 5 minutes ago that she doesn't care if she can drive.
Daughter #1 will have her Personal Progress earned the first day it is possible to have it whether or not there is any external reward for it.
The kids will be expected to help shuttle their siblings around as part of earning the privilege of driving. My parents didn't make me pay for my portion of the car insurance, but I think it's a good idea for them to understand at a deeper level that the cost of a vehicle is more than just the gas you put into it. Better grades and no tickets means lower insurance costs. You have to find a job and balance your time wisely in order to keep your grades up and earn the money you need and still participate in family and school activities.
I want my children to be responsible. If they are, they will probably earn their oh-so-important awards anyway just because they are responsible. If they are not responsible, not earning their awards may be a sign of that. They may also be very responsible but simply have to make decisions about what is important to them and the Eagle or Personal Progress may not be that. With the kids in my troop, I can tell within a few weeks of working with them whether or not they will get their Eagle. I think I know my kids a lot better than that so there should be no surprise to anyone if they earn it or not.
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Showing posts with label patience. Show all posts
Friday, September 23, 2011
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Storming
Michael, one of my boys who is a little more rambunctious than some, can jump back and forth between being the sweetest kid in the world to being a total hellion. At least you never have to wonder which one it is. You will always know what he is up to. There's no sneaking around or hiding emotions with him.
I had been teaching a Sunday lesson a few months ago where most of the boys were being rowdier than normal. After trying to ignore them or redirect their conversation for as long as I could stand it, I finally blew my top a little. Now, with me, that's actually a pretty rare occurrence, and a calculated one at that. That is, I'll let the anger loose a little for show.
So I let them have it, sucked out any spirit that was left in our quorum meeting, and started trying to get back into the lesson. A few minutes later, Michael was the one who had the misfortune to be the first to act out of line again, and I actually did let it go. My patience had been worn down enough, and with the spirit gone as it was, I harshly told him he was dismissed from the class.
He actually looked a little scared as he left the room, and the Bishop's counselor followed him out to talk to him for a minute. I felt bad the rest of the meeting. I saw his dad in the hall after church and told him what happened, just so he'd have my explanation of what happened before he got Michael's explanation.
After talking to his dad, I immediately biked over to his house, which is just a couple blocks from the church, and apologized to him. I can't really even remember what I said, just something about appreciating him in our quorum, and I shouldn't have kicked him out, and we can work together, etc. He seemed to be okay with it.
Over the next month or so, nothing seemed to be much different one way or another, other than I was still feeling bad. Then I was sitting next to him in quorum meeting several weeks later when someone else was teaching. The whole time we were making little jokes back and forth about whatever, to the point that we would just look at each other and start laughing. I kept it under control as much as possible, disrupting the class as little as possible, but there was a little bond forged there. Ever since then, he often says things about how he wants to sit by me so we can joke around or that we know what each other is thinking without even having to say anything.
We learn in Scouts and elsewhere that as teams and relationships develop, something that really bonds people is going through hard things together. Never stressing or testing a relationship means that the relationship has never been properly forged to begin with.
While down inside I still feel bad for kicking Michael out of class that day, I know he doesn't. He would say something if he did, since you always knows what he's thinking, good or bad. I've also grown to respect him more than I did before. Having worked through some frustration with him and seeing the ease with which he could forgive and forget, he has been an example to me.
I had been teaching a Sunday lesson a few months ago where most of the boys were being rowdier than normal. After trying to ignore them or redirect their conversation for as long as I could stand it, I finally blew my top a little. Now, with me, that's actually a pretty rare occurrence, and a calculated one at that. That is, I'll let the anger loose a little for show.
So I let them have it, sucked out any spirit that was left in our quorum meeting, and started trying to get back into the lesson. A few minutes later, Michael was the one who had the misfortune to be the first to act out of line again, and I actually did let it go. My patience had been worn down enough, and with the spirit gone as it was, I harshly told him he was dismissed from the class.
He actually looked a little scared as he left the room, and the Bishop's counselor followed him out to talk to him for a minute. I felt bad the rest of the meeting. I saw his dad in the hall after church and told him what happened, just so he'd have my explanation of what happened before he got Michael's explanation.
After talking to his dad, I immediately biked over to his house, which is just a couple blocks from the church, and apologized to him. I can't really even remember what I said, just something about appreciating him in our quorum, and I shouldn't have kicked him out, and we can work together, etc. He seemed to be okay with it.
Over the next month or so, nothing seemed to be much different one way or another, other than I was still feeling bad. Then I was sitting next to him in quorum meeting several weeks later when someone else was teaching. The whole time we were making little jokes back and forth about whatever, to the point that we would just look at each other and start laughing. I kept it under control as much as possible, disrupting the class as little as possible, but there was a little bond forged there. Ever since then, he often says things about how he wants to sit by me so we can joke around or that we know what each other is thinking without even having to say anything.
We learn in Scouts and elsewhere that as teams and relationships develop, something that really bonds people is going through hard things together. Never stressing or testing a relationship means that the relationship has never been properly forged to begin with.
While down inside I still feel bad for kicking Michael out of class that day, I know he doesn't. He would say something if he did, since you always knows what he's thinking, good or bad. I've also grown to respect him more than I did before. Having worked through some frustration with him and seeing the ease with which he could forgive and forget, he has been an example to me.
Monday, June 8, 2009
Testing the Scoutmaster
The soccer team of one of my daughters just had an end of season family picnic. We brought our dinner to the park and then played a little parents versus kids soccer game. It was a lot of fun.
The younger sister of one of my scouts is also on the team, so some of their family came. It was relatively peaceful until their ten year old brother decided he wanted to start harassing me. You SMs and ASMs all know what it's like. The kid just starts poking and prodding until he gets a reaction. You don't want to react, but you also don't want a bunch of grass stuffed down your shirt or smoke in your face or more than a couple small rocks or clumps of dirt thrown at you.
I've dealt very little with this particular boy, although I know he is very outgoing and playful, and he joins the troop later this year, so I figured it was a good time to start getting to know him. I was holding a baby and talking to him and a couple other people a little bit when he decided he wanted to start throwing grass at me. I made jokes about him getting grass on the baby and distracted him for a few minutes by having the baby give him five and other little tricks. As the clumps of grass got bigger, I started stiff-arming him to keep him away or grabbing his grass-filled hand with my one free hand and twisting it lightly behind his back.
He began to grow more determined to cover me in grass, and the party began to break up, so I decided I should leave. As I started grabbing handfuls of leftover food and garbage to take back to the car, he kept coming at me to throw more grass on me. I don't know if he just wanted to get one big clump on me and then leave, but I expect that he'd have kept coming with more. So I unscrewed the lid of my 2 quart water jug and he retreated. Every time I'd set the jug down and start picking up the rest of my stuff, he'd come at me again. So I hit him in the chest with an ice cube and chased him a little ways, splashing a small bit of icy water on him.
Again, as I returned to pick up my belongings, he came with more grass clippings, and I splashed more water on him. I had only a little bit of water left when I noticed another dad nearby leaning on a large 5 gallon jug. I asked if it had water in it still, and he replied that it did. I told him that we should pour it on him, thinking the boy would get smart and leave me alone. He didn't. The other dad said, "That's a decision only a Scoutmaster can make," which I thought was interesting, since I don't know how he would have known I was the SM. I think he could just tell by our interaction, that it was a classic SM dealing with a boy testing the boundaries. I replied that the decision had been made, and I grabbed him and held him while the other guy dumped a couple gallons of water and ice cubes on the boy.
He was surprised, to say the least. He found the boundary. His brother who was also there knowingly commented about how I had doused him at summer camp last year. He had also found the boundary. Hopefully by the time the younger one actually joins up with us, he'll remember to draw the line and leave me alone. My guess is that he'll have forgotten by then and will need to retest me. It's likely that the result will be the same.
The younger sister of one of my scouts is also on the team, so some of their family came. It was relatively peaceful until their ten year old brother decided he wanted to start harassing me. You SMs and ASMs all know what it's like. The kid just starts poking and prodding until he gets a reaction. You don't want to react, but you also don't want a bunch of grass stuffed down your shirt or smoke in your face or more than a couple small rocks or clumps of dirt thrown at you.
I've dealt very little with this particular boy, although I know he is very outgoing and playful, and he joins the troop later this year, so I figured it was a good time to start getting to know him. I was holding a baby and talking to him and a couple other people a little bit when he decided he wanted to start throwing grass at me. I made jokes about him getting grass on the baby and distracted him for a few minutes by having the baby give him five and other little tricks. As the clumps of grass got bigger, I started stiff-arming him to keep him away or grabbing his grass-filled hand with my one free hand and twisting it lightly behind his back.
He began to grow more determined to cover me in grass, and the party began to break up, so I decided I should leave. As I started grabbing handfuls of leftover food and garbage to take back to the car, he kept coming at me to throw more grass on me. I don't know if he just wanted to get one big clump on me and then leave, but I expect that he'd have kept coming with more. So I unscrewed the lid of my 2 quart water jug and he retreated. Every time I'd set the jug down and start picking up the rest of my stuff, he'd come at me again. So I hit him in the chest with an ice cube and chased him a little ways, splashing a small bit of icy water on him.
Again, as I returned to pick up my belongings, he came with more grass clippings, and I splashed more water on him. I had only a little bit of water left when I noticed another dad nearby leaning on a large 5 gallon jug. I asked if it had water in it still, and he replied that it did. I told him that we should pour it on him, thinking the boy would get smart and leave me alone. He didn't. The other dad said, "That's a decision only a Scoutmaster can make," which I thought was interesting, since I don't know how he would have known I was the SM. I think he could just tell by our interaction, that it was a classic SM dealing with a boy testing the boundaries. I replied that the decision had been made, and I grabbed him and held him while the other guy dumped a couple gallons of water and ice cubes on the boy.
He was surprised, to say the least. He found the boundary. His brother who was also there knowingly commented about how I had doused him at summer camp last year. He had also found the boundary. Hopefully by the time the younger one actually joins up with us, he'll remember to draw the line and leave me alone. My guess is that he'll have forgotten by then and will need to retest me. It's likely that the result will be the same.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
